Cousins x 3

On November 22, 2013 my cousin, Adrian Bird died. She was shot in the back of her head by an ex-boyfriend who had no responsibility using let alone having a gun. He was not in a healthy state of mind. Adrian was a fun, good person who made horrible choices when it came to boyfriends.

On November 24, 2019 my cousin, Connor Lake died. He died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Connor was a friendly, self-less, and sweet man who struggled with depression.

On December 19, 2019 my cousin, Curtis Dodge died. He was at a shooting range with his brother and father - something he had done several times, closely monitored by his dad, and enjoyed. He was autistic but high-functioning. He was full of energy and enthusiasm but recognized that he was different from other people. Shooting was something that he felt that he was good at. But that day he was shooting poorly and in a flash of frustration he turned the gun on himself. He acted too quickly for my uncle to even react. After a few days in the hospital it became apparent that the damage to his brain was extensive and my aunt and uncle decided to transfer him to hospice where he could peacefully die.

We were still living in Oregon when Adrian died and I was able to be with my family for the funeral and for the hearing and sentencing of the man who shot her.

When Connor died I was in Ohio and unable to be with my family. I really wish I could have been in Oregon and was very homesick.

I am grateful that I was able to be in Oregon for Curtis. I am grateful that I was able to visit him in the hospital, to hug my aunt and uncle, to cry with my family, and that I'll be able to attend the funeral next week. It helps, me at least, process what has happened. I will miss my cousins. I know that Curtis didn't intend to kill himself. I know that because of the plan of salvation I will be able to be with my cousins again.

Southwest Airlines

Back in October my parents decided that they were going to buy us plane tickets to visit them in Oregon for Christmas.

I was super excited and J and I talked at length on what the best timing was for us to go. Unfortunately, the "best" timing involved me flying both ways with three kids. By myself. 

I was terrified.

We gave my mom our preferred dates and times and she bought the plane tickets through Southwest.

I have flown Southwest several times but never with kids. I have also flown several times with kids, sometimes by myself, but never with all three. 

Hulk has flown on more planes in six years than most adults have flown in their entire lives. 

He's a pro.

We got to the airport an hour before boarding was supposed to begin. We had an early flight so I was no worried about getting through security because at that hour there was not going to be a lot of people at the airport. I did have one bag to check, a carseat, and I needed to tell them I had a child in arms.

In the past, for children under two years of age all I have had to do was tell the people who print the boarding passes that I have a "child-in-arms" and they will print me a new boarding pass with "child-in-arms" printed on the boarding pass. 

I am confident. I have done this before. I know what I am doing. My only fears are a child wondering off or crying on the airplane. 

I have got this.

I walk up to ticket counter and inform the lady that I want to check a bag, a carseat, and I have a child in arms. I then hand her my driver's license and the boarding passes that I had printed at home when confirming my flight the day before. 

She says thanks and then asks for Baby #3's birth certificate. 

And my world stops. 

His birth certificate? He's three months old! He doesn't have teeth! He can't even sit up on his own!

Seriously?! 

Well, I don't have it. What are my options?

She asks if I have his vaccination records - any official document that will have his name and birth date. Apparently this is something that I am supposed to pull up on my phone through my pediatrician's website. I was not able to despite desperately trying. 

She then informs me that I can buy a last minute ticket for Baby #3 and after I get his birth certificate fax the certificate and the ticket information to Southwest to be reimbursed but that she needs proof of his age as it is part of Southwest's protocol. 

I declare this is ridiculous as I have never had to do this before.

She asks if I have ever flown on Southwest with kids before.

I tell her that I am going to call my husband and leave the counter to go cry in a corner. Literally.

And keep in mind I have Baby #3 in a carrier on my front, Little Viking Girl in a carrier on my back, a diaper bag, a carseat, a large suitcase, and Hulk. We are a mass of chaos. 

Fortunately J picks up his phone. This is a miracle in itself as is phone is often silent and he doesn't notice calls are coming in. And he was driving to work without his bluetooth so he was focusing on driving and not his phone (like a responsible driver, unlike me).

I explain the situation and he immediately gets onto I75 north towards our house. 

Waiting for J to text me

 It took him 20 minutes from the time I called him for him to get home. He then spent about five minutes looking for Baby #3's birth certificate.
He couldn't find it (he was able to find it later).
I spent this time checking Southwest's protocol on traveling with children under two years. Their website does not say that a birth certificate is required, only suggested to confirm the child's age.

J did find that cutesy certificate that hospitals make with the baby's footprints and he texts me a picture of it.
I go up to the ticket counter and show the lady the text and ask her if she will accept it.
She replies that she doesn't like it but she will accept it but on my return flight I need to have the actual birth certificate.
At this point I don't care what she likes because I only have half an hour before boarding to get three kids through security and to our gate.
We make it to our gate 15 minutes before it closes but people are still boarding. A person working the gate notices me and my kids and lets me cut the line so that we'll be able to get seats together without forcing someone out of their seat (Southwest doesn't have pre-assigned seats).
Bless that person.

Made it!

Our first flight was just over an hour long. The amount of time to get to cruising altitude, a flight attendant to bring a drink, and then to start the descent. Not enough time for my kids to become board. It was great.

Our layover at Midway was only an hour - which is the perfect amount of time for a layover. It's enough time to go to the bathroom and walk the mile and a half to your next gate without frantically running through the airport. And you have time left over to sit and relax with your legs stretched out before having to board.

Hulk and Little Viking Girl enjoyed snacks, watching the planes taxi, and getting some of their energy out.

Layover at Midway 

Our second flight was over four hours long. The kids did get board but I plied them with books and coloring material. About an hour in I told Little Viking Girl she needed to take a nap and fortunately she didn't fight me too much. I suggested to Hulk that he take a nap as well as he had not gotten much sleep the night before. He told me he didn't want to so I suggested that he just put his head in my lap. That did the trick ;)
Baby #3 also fell asleep during this time so I had three sleeping kids on me.
Unfortunately I could not get any sleep in this position.

Flight #2

I am continuously impressed by my kids. I am so grateful that they travel well.

I am grateful that we are in Oregon for Christmas :)

I maintain that the people at CVG's ticket desk are absolutely ridiculous. 

Cooking at the Campbells

Welcome to the cooking section of this blog.

Today I am going to share with you how to make dairy free chocolate cupcakes. 

1. Go through your cookbook to see if your current chocolate cake recipe is simple enough to use. Mine was not (it called for chocolate chips).

If this is the case, then spend the next ten to fifteen minutes googling "dairy-free chocolate cake". 

Pick a recipe for which you already have all the ingredients, or just use this one.

2. Disregard the mess in your kitchen. You'll be able to wash dishes while the cupcakes cook. 

3. Pull out all necessary ingredients and set them on any available counter space (use the stove top and chairs if called for).

4. Spend the next fifteen minutes creating a youtube playlist or deciding what to watch on Netflix. Tonight I felt like youtube and was able to experience commercials for Disney+ and make-up.

Obviously youtube doesn't know me. 

I will never pay for Disney+ and I don't wear make-up unless at weddings. 

5. Carefully cream your sugar and butter together.

6. Add eggs and beat until smooth.

7. Dump in all other ingredients and mix until fully incorporated. 

Taste test along the way. Especially at the end as you are filling the cupcake pan.

8. Line cupcake pan with liners (usually I use silicone ones but since this was for an event I didn't want to worry about people throwing my re-usable liners away).

9. Fill the liners about half way with batter.

Do not be tempted to fill liners any more than that as the cupcake will rise while cooking and if there is too much batter it will spill over the side of the liner and stick to your pan.

10. Guess the proper cooking time for the cupcakes since you used a cake recipe. (for this recipe it was 20-25 minutes, I don't remember)

11. Clean your kitchen while the cupcakes are cooking - everything to the right of the sink in the picture is clean 💪

12. Forget to take a picture of your final product as it took you until 2 am to cook all of the cupcakes.

13. Make your favorite dairy-free buttercream frosting 

Mine is 1/4 cup shortening, 3 cups powdered sugar, add almond milk to desired consistency 

14. Enjoy :)

The Peloton Bike Commercial

This commercial has been over all over the media lately (and was recently mentioned on my favorite NPR program Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!) because of its poor reception.

I can quote the NY Times as stating the ad as being "criticized as sexist and dystopian."

I saw the commercial, probably around the time when it first came out, and then moved on with my life.

I don't get it. Maybe because I haven't seen Black Mirror? 😑

JC knows I like to run.
He knows I hate running when it's really cold outside.
He knows it's hard for me to run during normal daylight hours because we have three small kids.

If he got me a super fancy treadmill, I would probably be super excited and make a bunch of video blogs of me using it to share with him to express my appreciation for the gift.

Him understanding my interests and trying to cater to them is not sexist or dystopian.

Now, it would be different if say I didn't like running or that he said, "I'll get you a $2,000+ treadmill but I want to see that you're using it every day or I'm sending it back!" But that is not implied in the commercial.

Some critics have pointed out that the wife (it's never stated so I guess she could be a girlfriend, fiance,  gender fluid boyfriend...) was already skinny. Those critics are sexist. Skinny people can't be interested in exercise? If anything, skinny people appreciate exercise more than heavy people because exercise (as well as a healthy diet) helped them be skinny! And you don't stop exercising just because you're skinny.

I don't understand the hate.

Sibling Love

Little Viking Girl adores her brothers. Unfortunately Baby #3 is too young to reciprocate and Hulk spends half of his time with her reprimanding her. I then spend my time reprimanding Hulk for reprimanding her. 

Having a younger sibling has been good for him. He was four years old when she was born and was developing into the stereotypical only child. 

She has been the perfect addition to our family. She's a ray of sunshine, a happy, energetic, and enthusiastic ball of fun. 

And every day Hulk gets to have a discussion with me on consent and respect. He's getting there.

He does enjoy spending time with her and playing with her and will often ask when Baby #3 will be old enough to play with.

He's getting there ;)

Light the World

Every year in December The Church of Jesus Christ puts out a Light the World campaign. Each day, for the month of December, there is a different service opportunity (there's a calendar that you can download too). The idea is to remind people of the reason for the Christmas season and to help people draw closer to Christ through service.

The first day of the challenge was to send a text message to the last person that you received a text from, telling that person something you appreciate about them. This led to my dad sending a sweet and thoughtful text, which really made my day. I was suspicious as to why he sent it (I know he loves me but he doesn't usually go out of his way to tell me). Later he said it was for the Light the World campaign and he didn't want to mention that in the text because he didn't want to decrease the significance of his words - and I agree with his logic. His text made my day and it helped me get through a full day of crying yesterday.

The second day of the challenge was to highlight the example of someone that reminds you of Christlike service. I decided to highlight my brother by saying,

"I am grateful for a little brother who has always been more mature than me. He has taught me a lot and is an example of Christlike behavior and service. He is thoughtful, kind, and is a support to those around him."

My brother is pretty awesome. He has always reminded me of the stalwart prophets you read in the scriptures and I know that I can always go to him if I need help.

Today's challenge was to donate blood. How cool is that! I strongly believe that donating blood saves lives and if you are healthy and capable you should do it on a regular basis. That being said, since I donated blood two weeks ago I think I am exempt from donating today ;)

I look forward to completing the challenges through the remainder of this month as I prepare myself spiritually to celebrate Christmas. :)

Happy Holidays!

I Pressed On

On Friday, November 22nd at 7:45 pm my cousin got into his truck and drove away. He was supposed to be traveling from his home in Sisters, OR to Bend.

Sometime Saturday he was considered a missing person and family and friends rallied to look for him.

Sunday evening he was found deceased from a self-inflicted gun shot wound.

I am grateful that he was found quickly but the 2,000+ miles between me and my family, especially right before Thanksgiving, has left me feeling homesick.

Especially since five years ago, almost to the day, another cousin was shot in the back of the head by her ex-boyfriend.

I hadn't seen my cousin in five years (I think the last time I saw him was at our cousin's funeral before I moved to Ohio). We weren't close growing up, I'm seven years older and while we got along we didn't share many interests. I am closer to his dad, my mom's youngest brother.

I knew he was a kind, sweet, selfless, and thoughtful person. He would go out of his way to help anyone and, at 6'7'', was given the nickname "the gentle giant."

I didn't know that he fought with depression.

My dad's side of my family is much more open about their experiences with depression. Three of my dad's four siblings have been on medication for depression at some point. My dad's youngest brother also committed suicide three years ago. I have cousins that that have been on medication and one cousin who frequently blogs about her depression.

I don't talk about it openly with extended family but I let JC and sometimes my dad know what I am going through a difficult phase with my depression.

I have had suicidal thoughts but I have never been suicidal. I would never actually do it because I don't want my kids to grow up without a mother. But not everyone has that incentive and, in the case of my cousin who blogs, her depression tells her that her kids would be better off without her.

I have a friend on facebook that is the stereotypical "older woman that just shares inspirational memes and cat videos". Lately, the memes she's been sharing have been depression and suicide related. I'm sure the Holy Ghost inspired her to share those because they were things I needed to hear.

One of the memes read, "If you rearrange the letters in DEPRESSION you'll get I PRESSED ON".
There are days where depression just swallows you whole and it feels like there is a physical weight on your chest pressing you down. A few years ago I saw this video where the person described not even being able to get out of bed. That's what depression is.

It isolates you, which only makes it worse.

I don't know how long my cousin was fighting, or the exact nature of his struggle because he never spoke about it. His death came as a shock to everyone who knew him.

It's good to reach out when you are experiencing depression, it's good to talk about it (even though that's the last thing you want to do when depressed).

I am grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ and the knowledge and testimony I have of the restored gospel. I know that I will see my cousin (and other family members) again. I know that the Lord loves me, even and especially when I don't love myself.