It's been a long week. Which is mostly my fault. And by "mostly" I mean all my fault. I have a list of projects that I've been trying to work through and have been prioritizing them over sleep. Which means I stay up until 2:00 am deep cleaning the fridge or rearranging closets.
You know, super important stuff.
Fun fact: old tuna fish turns the festive colors of red and green.
J didn't have to go into work Thursday and Friday but he needs to study for the Series 9 so he spent all of Thursday day locked in a room with all of his study material. Friday morning he realized what I hadn't: that I had over extended myself.
And he made me sleep in and then, after all the kids were in bed, he sent me to bed BEFORE 11 pm. It was crazy. I married a keeper.
Saturday morning I woke up early to run five miles, then it was straight to Hulk's last soccer game. We came home (and by "we" I mean me and the kids, J had to go to work) with a screaming Baby #3. I quickly made the older two lunch, gave strict instructions to not let Link the dog into the kitchen while they were eating, and then took care of Baby #3. As soon as he was taken care of we headed to the zoo for over five hours. Which breaks a few of my rules - going on a weekend, going when there are LOTS of people, and spending more than two or three hours.
But it was for a good reason. It was HallZooween. Which also means that there were more people there. But HallZooween is only on the weekends so our choices were going when there would be a lot of people and not going at all.
The kids had fun getting candy, were mildly entertained by the animals smashing pumpkins, and Hulk was inspired to be a magician from the magic show and quite upset that I wouldn't buy him the $20 magic kit that was for sell after the show.
When we got home I let Little Viking Girl out of her carseat and she climbed around the car while I was unloading. Hulk whined in the back seat (still offended that I wouldn't spend $20 for him) and Baby #3 cried because he slept the whole time at the zoo and was now literally starving.
But honestly, I brought this upon myself. We shouldn't have been at the zoo that long, I should have woken Baby #3 to feed him, I should have... By this time the mom guilt is hitting me hard and I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
And then Little Viking Girl pees in the car.
We are not TEN FEET from the bathroom.
Now, some things to know about Little Viking Girl:
She is very strong willed.
She cannot be bribed.
If she wants to do something, she doesn't care that you said no - she will do it anyways.
She won't sit on the toilet unless she first tells you that she wants to.
And she doesn't seem to mind peeing her pants.
I may have yelled at her.
And by "may" I mean I actually yelled at her.
And she laughed.
So with a crying baby I stripped Viking Girl out of her pee soaked clothes, cleaned the pee soaked seats in the car, and started a load of laundry.
After taking care of Viking Girl, I finally sat down to take care of Baby #3 who, by this point, was convinced that the world was over and that he had been abandoned by everyone to die of starvation.
As I was feeding him Little Viking Girl wanted attention too, so she brought in several books for me to read to her. Here I am, tired and wanting to be left alone and she's climbing all over me, demanding to be read to or brining me toys to play with her while I am trying to nurse Baby #3.
And in my mind I'm thinking, "this is why introverts shouldn't have kids." and "please go away, please go away, please go away." and "why can't you go play by yourself for five minutes?"
But then I think, "in ten years, she's going to hate me and not want anything to do with me. I need to enjoy this."
And honestly, it's hard for me to enjoy it. I am going to have to make the choice to enjoy it, but it was a thought that brought me out of a dark place.
A little while later I am trying to make dinner. Hulk is convinced that he's starving to death but has decided to come into the kitchen to read me a book. The book is on trains, has several pictures, and while reading he asks me questions like, "which one is your favorite? which one can go on streets? which one carries passengers?"
And the same thoughts from before come into my mind because honestly, I don't care about trains and I am trying to make my "starving" kid dinner. Why can't anyone just leave me alone? He would have dinner in half the time if he just stopped. I am stressed and overwhelmed. And tired.
Very tired.
Then the same thought from before comes into my mind, "in ten years, he's not going to want to spend time with you. Enjoy this."
The thought doesn't help the overwhelming feeling but it does help calm me down, forces me to take a deep breath, and to make the choice to slow down.
And that's how my day went.
Now I get to go clean the kitchen and fold laundry.
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